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“My buttons!” Like, I was on a Broadway play and that was my only line, just, child voice “My buttons!” Honestly, I could picture the construction site. The foreman would be like, “Who the put that out there? Tommy, was that you?” “Yeah, you know me, I like trouble. Let’s get outta here, he ain’t getting laid. He’s gonna be a comedian.” Now, here’s why I tell you that. This is why I tell you this. Here’s why. Because I think it’s good to have embarrassing moments in your life. I think having embarrassing moments growing up helps build character. I think it helps build a person. I feel like kids today are growing up so fast, they’re skipping that . They are. Everything I read about them, there’s no innocence. Like kids are getting blowjobs in the bus now. What? What magic school bus Ms. Frizzle ? Seriously, what beautiful trip to school did I miss? How does any boy miss the bus? laughing Even if you’re not the kid who gets the blowjob in the morning, you still have to wake up and be like, child voice “Maybe, today.” You have to. laughing You know who I feel bad for, though? I feel bad for the mom, the stay-at-home mom who has to deal with the kid who does get the blowjob in the morning, and that kid misses the bus. Because that has to be the biggest temper tantrum of all time. There’s no way where she’s like, “Honey, you’re gonna be late Games ” “For school! I know, you didn’t wake me up. ! Kyle! Hold that bus, don’t be ty!” Mom, the French toast sticks, let’s go, come on, we’re late.” “They’re not ready.” What the is going on with you, Mom? Go, get the goddamn sticks! Goddamn it, Kyle! ! The bus left. Are you happy? ! laughing applauding We got nine iPads in the house, you can’t set one alarm? I have an A average, Mom. I have a test, I need to clear my head! You’re such a bitch. You’re a straight bitch, Dad’s right.” “Why are you mad?” “You wanna know why I’m mad? You really wanna know? Okay, fine, cat’s out of the bag. Here’s the deal, you got one job, all right? Wake me up, French toast sticks, get my



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